Mole Mania

The sun is gone and so is my sunny disposition. I awoke to a dull primer paint grey morning. I pulled the covers up fell asleep, awoke again to the rain assaulting my window assisted by a south westerly breeze. Groaning and moaning I stumble out of bed and make my way to the window in hope of seeing a small sun break some where in the distance. No such luck. Instead I am enthralled by the magnificent black and white image of the rough wind stirred waters of Puget Sound and Vashon Island in the distance. Ahhh, it is beautiful. I lower my gaze to my lusciously landscaped yard, I gasp, I spit, I cuss..that f-ing mole has been at it again.
To date I have been unsuccessful in controlling much less eliminating the mole clan residing in my yard. (As you read this next paragraph you must be humming the tune “I’ve Been Everywhere” by Johnny Cash.) I’ve tried everything man I’ve tried everything – I’ve tried flooding tunnels, dawn detergent, cayenne pepper, caster oil. I’ve tried every thing man I’ve tried juicy fruit gum, dog dung, ex-lax and broken glass. I’ve tried everything man I’ve tried everything; I’ve tried mole traps front and back, vibrating stakes and poison bait. I’ve tried every thing man I’ve tried everything.
I am seized by mole mania, I grab my rain coat, coax Brittany my sleepy mutt to join me and stomp down the stairs. I grab the hose set the nozzle on jet stream, roughly turn the water spigot as far as it will go and I start spraying the 12 inch plus diameter - 8 inch high mole mound. The soft dirt turns to mud and spreads like molten lava until, ah ha, the 3 inch wide tunnel is exposed. "Take that you motley mole, (not my real words, although it did start with an m), eat dirt and die!"
Of course none of this will have any affect on the health of my mole and even if it did another mole would take up residence in the complex labyrinth of tunnels under my beautifully landscaped yard. It is just a way for me to relieve the pressure of mole mania. I sometime go through this exercise two or three times a day. Still the mounds abound